waiting – day two

Last night, my mail client pinged, alerting me to a brief missive from my CA* informing me that a certain editor from a very reputable publisher had asked to see my manuscript.

Thrilled, I wrote back, but before I pressed send with shaking mouse-hand, I did a quick random read of my manuscript, thinking to reassure myself of its worthiness. Big mistake. All I could see were missing commas, and worse,  a sentence that ended…well…mid-sentence, followed by a garbled paragraph that made little sense. Obviously, I’d intended to delete part of the paragraph and rewrite it, but never had. I imagine Amber-Jane might have interrupted my proofreading with some urgent toddler business, and I’d simply forgotten.

So there I was, clenching and unclenching my hands, trying to figure out what it was I’d meant to say. My brain was fuzzy. It was late and I’d been out for dinner and consumed two large glasses of white wine, and I was already quite sleep deprived due to a sick child and rowdy African Cup of Nations supporters at the YMCA next door.

An hour later, I managed to eek something sensible out, but wondered if CA would find me too needy if I sent him yet another version. I remembered once being told that a certain famous writer, I can’t remember who, said that a book is never finished, and even when she does public readings of published books, she crosses out paragraphs and rewrites them. The audience never knows. With her in mind, I sent CA a brief missive back, saying I was thrilled, but worried as all I could see were missing commas. CA, being wise and unwilling to enable my Woody Allen, did not reply. Believe it or not, this is one of the things I like about CA, because my Woody Allen is not a healthy part of my psyche.

To make waiting-anxiety worse, none of my readers, with one exception, has actually read my manuscript. Or maybe they have, and they just don’t want to tell me they think it’s awful. So my prayer for today is that big-shot editor’s brain fills in the blanks, and the missing commas magically appear because she expects them to be there.

Amen.

* CA – celebrity agent