upon clearing my desk

Since last Friday, I have been promising myself that, today, I will sweep the spent pages of my manuscript into the recycling box to reincarnate as canvases for AJ’s art, clean out my drawers and dust the oak that has been hidden for months under piles of bills, notes, books and the other detritus that collected on my desk while I was writing my soon-to-be bestseller*. But, clearing the desk meant moving on, and I wasn’t sure I was ready.

I procrastinated through the weekend, avoided the task on Monday and Tuesday, and spent Wednesday morning debating on Facebook the merits of traditional publishing versus Amazon’s self-publishing ebook model etc etc, blah blah fish paste. Then, I made my mother pick me up on her way to Fruit and Veg City, thinking a second visit to the grocery store would be useful – this with us being so broke we’re unintentionally dieting. At the end of the road, I realized that I would feel awful when I returned home from my futile shopping trip to find my desk still looking like the Wynberg dump,  so my mother drove around the block and dropped me back at my front door, much to AJ’s consternation – I’ve convinced my two-year old that grocery shopping is a proper fun activity, like visits to the park, swimming lessons and Kindermusik.

I walked in, picked up my 360-odd page manuscript, and dumped it unceremoniously in the box. After that, clearing out my desk was a doddle. Amongst the outdated computer manuals and sample perfume bottles stashed in one drawer, I found an entry I’d ripped out of my 2003 diary. Nothing personal, just some thoughts I had about airports while transiting through Athen’s, circa 17 July 2003. The CEO of my former publisher might not approve of me publishing brain farts that show me up as a narcissist, but hey, he’s no longer my publisher, and I think the fact that I expose myself online says that anyway.

* Tracey Farren** told me the other day that I should think good thoughts about the manuscript, because they would go out into the world and everyone reading it would think good thoughts too.
** Tracey Farren is the author of two excellent South African novels, Whiplash and Snake.